Today has been an off day with food. Not much of an appetite today. My stomach has been upset all day. I weighed in at 99lbs exact this morning :/ I'm OK with it I guess. I can notice my abs more in the mirror now, but I still see all that loose skin at the bottom of my stomach. I just wish that would go away. Anyway, I made 2 egg whites for breakfast (34cal) and munched on trail mix a tiny bit (100cal.) I also made my awesome cookies for T. I had two of them, but I make them very low calorie, only 20 a piece. I spent most of my morning on the phone with Social Security and Medicaid regarding my youngest son and these bills I have received that were supposed to be covered. I finally got all that taken care of. Then for about 4 hours, I researched and took notes on Aspergers Syndrome. Wrote down my concerns for my oldest son's therapy appointment on Thursday. Tonight was supposed to be his dad's night to take him, but when he showed up, I laid into him and got into a huge fight with him. I pretty much told him what a low life father he is, how I want full custody and that I don't want him seeing him anymore because my son needs consistency in his life, and he most definitely does not get that with him. My oldest was sad when his dad drove away without him. But I sat down and discussed with him that I love him, and T loves him, and he needs people in his life that love him and have time for him, and his dad doesn't seem to have it. I also told him that he won't be seeing him until things have been settled. I don't know if he understands completely, but I'm trying my best. I'm tired of his father letting him down, so I put my foot down and told him to fuck off, just not so blunt. T and I got to go on another walk this evening. It was fantastic. It's been so hot during the day that the evenings are breezy and they feel amazing. I feel like these last two days we are making progress, and he has been more patient with my oldest son as well. My dinner has been sitting in the microwave for about 15 minutes now. I am so just not having it today. Oh well. I will probably just leave it in there. No big deal. I feel good, minus this migraine that I still have. I have a phone interview with the child mental health department from Children's Hospital in the morning so they can get us set up with a specialist down there as well. I need to have my oldest son's problems managed before he goes to school in the fall. If that means medication, or seeing a specialist and a psychiatrist regularly, then so be it. I will do whatever it takes. So with my walk and cleaning I did today, I am negative calories. T is a little disappointed but he is happy that I'm trying. That's all that matters. I see my therapist on Friday. Oh joy. Well I hope everyone has a wonderful day/evening. Much love.
XOXO Katie
I think thats great you told him off...it sounds like T will be a better father to your son then his father will ever be. So for that I'm saying good for you! And I love going outside in the evening, like running and stuff because it is so much nicer out and cool and yup way better haha. Sounds like your doing a little better stay stong hun! <3
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you are not finding the weight gain too tough and for what it's worth, I think you are doing the right. I love that you are fighting this thing, I think you are so brave.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you xxx
I am so glad you're feeling good sweetie, hope your sons are ok, I think you did the right thing regarding his dad - he doesnt deserve to see him and your son deserves a better dad. I am glad you took the time to explain to him cos kids dont always understand these things.. hope you are ok.. much love and stay strong xx
ReplyDeletewow...you're so young to have to go through this much! my heart aches for you. don't take that in a bad way pls. it's just that i don't know if i could have ever handled what you are handling now. i'm impressed with how you're putting your boy's welfare first because ultimately that is what's important. as much as i can't stand my boy's dad and think he really sucks as a father figure he was at least there for them on a consistent basis which is very important for all involved. now that they are grown they have been able to see what he is all about and form their own opinion of him...which of course is bleak. but he controlled that not me.
ReplyDeleteyou're an amazing mom for sure! stay strong and healthy for them :)
p.s. i'm looking forward to being in your neck of the woods again. let me know if you have any suggestions of where we should visit.
Even if your son doesn't understand it all right now it's a good thing you stepped in. You're right: he needs people who will be there for him, not people who carve out little pockets of time whenever they feel the heck to do so.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you and T are drawing closer now. Sometimes all it takes is a few minutes uninterrupted with someone to feel that draw and closeness with them again.
Anyway, take care sweetie <3
-Emma
your such a strong woman^^ I hope everything works out.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend was diagnosed last year with mild aspergers syndrome.. he has terrible social anxiety, much like my own poor thing >_< its hard for others to deal with sometimes, because he finds it so hard to make conections and keep them up, hes sort of come to rely on me to talk for him in social situations and relay what he wants to say,lol. Im glad hes been able to let me in and trust me enough, theres only 3 of us he can really be comfortable around. its hard for him, but its how it is and i guess he doesnt know any different.
I know your little boy is sad but this for the best. I believe you made the right choice choice. Good luck with the interview. I believe they will accept you if they hear everything you have been telling us. You heart is so there and you love your boys so much on top of everything else you are dealing with.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on getting to 99lbs. I know it probably still sounds strange. As for your tummy. I wonder if that loose skin will go away a bit when you get to 115lb. I hope so because other than that only surgery will get rid of it.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
honestly, I think you are very strong young women, and you should be very proud of yourself. You are pooling everything together in your life, concentrating highly on best solution for your boys. I am very happy that you are more in charge of your life and having ED you are working hard towards getting better.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Sadly the childrens hosp development program is so booked after phone interview they send you paperwork you fill out and send back then it takes about 3 months to get an appt....fyi also call the school district they can help quickly I'm told.....
ReplyDeleteI hope everything turns out ok, you know thats best, he's your son :) Just do what feels right, and well done for the 99lbs! I agree with above, once you gain a little more the extra skin will go :) And you can then tone it :) xx
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong <3 I think it's great that you put your foot down with your son's father. It really shows how much you care about your kids and it really shows through how you write about them. Stay strong pretty lady and you know where to reach me if you need to talk :)
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